Mommy Knows Best

The whole family went to the mall this past weekend and Elizabeth's favourite thing there is riding the carousel. She was very excited and of course, as a mother, I was delighted at seeing her excitement. It brings me much joy when she's happy. I think that must be one of the reasons why people have kids -- we live through them all over again and remember the innocence of childhood pleasure and untainted elation before we were contaminated by the evils of society and become bitter, disillusioned adults.

I watched with Catherine outside the gated area of the carousel as Elizabeth and her father lined up for the ride. Soon enough, it was their turn and as I circled around to see which horse she chose, I heard a dramatic wail and saw a little girl tugging on her father's arm. My little girl.

"What is going on?" I demanded, annoyed that amongst all the smiling, angelic children, the crying one was mine. "What happened?" Her father explained that she wanted to ride in the wagon instead of on a horse. What?! Why would anyone in their right mind want to sit in the immobile wagon, when a horse actually moves up and down? Both her father and I persuaded (her father, gently; and I, harshly) her to sit on a horse. She was not happy. Throughout the ride, my little drama queen sat with wilful determination not to enjoy herself. Every time the carousel circled around, I waved and smiled like a loving mother that I am, and she stared stonily ahead, resolving not to acknowledge my love. No one had a good time.

Sometimes, as parents, we get caught up with what we deem as the "right thing" and forget what's really important. The purpose of the carousel ride was to make Elizabeth happy; instead, her father and I forced what we thought was best on her. Would riding the wagon really have made her happier than riding the horse? Perhaps she would have realized how boring and mundane the wagon was and in the future, only ride the horse. The important thing is we forgot that the whole point was to make her happy -- not to make us happy.

This is something I struggle with everyday. It's easy to impose my views on my children and forget that they too have a mind of their own. I teach them skills to be independent and yet, when it comes to making decisions big or small, I require them to yield to my choices. Of course, it's really not that simple. Nothing is. I want to direct them down the right path without being oppressive. I want them to learn from my mistakes without having to make it themselves. Why does this sound familiar? Is this a perpetual cycle that all parents and kids go through? I vaguely recall my mom ending a fight with an angry: "When you have your own children, you'll know what I mean!" Now I know. "I told you so." Grrr!