Anger Management and Mommyhood

Children. Also referred to as "Bundle of Joy" or "Miracle". These are positive and acceptable terms to describe our offspring, but often other less favourable words come into mind when describing mine. This is not to say I don't think my daughters are my B of J or a miracle, because they sincerely are, but that throughout the process of child rearing, we come across obstacles that make these chubby bundles less joyous. Sometimes a lot less joyous.

I have never been described as a violent person, but I can't boast of having a mild temperament. Okay, I admit it -- I'm as short-tempered, stubborn and hot-headed as they come. My husband does not enjoy that about me. So when dealing with children, especially with severe sleep deprivation, it doesn't take too much to get me riled up. Since Catherine is only six months old, poor Elizabeth gets the brunt of most of it. It's not my fault! She started it! If she was less whiny, less stubborn and actually listens to me ...

Before I continue to sound like my three year old daughter, I will step back and have a moment of quiet introspection. I ask myself, how will my behaviour affect my daughter? How will it affect how she behaves when she's older? When she's a student? A friend? A wife? A mother? Having so much influence and responsibility truly does weigh one down. I forget sometimes that my actions have so much impact on her. There's a pair of little eyes that watches my every move.

As Kai-Lan from "Ni Hao Kai-Lan" once said wisely, "Caaaaaallllllllmmm ... calm ... down!" Before I rip out my entrails and braid it into my hair, I need to constantly remind myself that things are no big deal; there's nothing more important than the quality of my relationship with my daughters. Don't sweat the small stuff. Easier said than done. Unfortunately for my darlings, I'm not the quintessential patient, loving mother -- loving, yes, but patient? (Hysterical giggling ensues!)

Thankfully, for my own sanity, I've come to accept that there will always be frustrations (grrr!) and perfection is not always achievable. I will try my best and hope that my children will grow up to be kind, responsible and healthy adults. Perhaps one day they will appreciate my efforts and know just how much I love them. With these thoughts, it certainly makes this mommy ... well, a lot less angry.